Remind me to spend some good time with you.

It’s been about eight months since I’ve seen a client in real life. That’s a long time. Honestly, I don’t miss the clothes as much as I thought I might. But, I do miss my people. I’ve sent handwritten birthday cards to my clients for over seven years. When this whole debacle began, I wanted to send cards to everyone. I researched sending mini nail polish bottles and delivering them on doorsteps. I wanted to give some extra love to the Poplin Community. I know everyone needed it. But, that was a time filled with confusion and fear. Mailing cards seemed like it might have a risk of infection and delivering nail polish was certainly worse. So, I did nothing. And a month went by, then two then so many more. You know how it is.

I’ve been thinking a lot about a friend of ours who committed suicide. We hadn’t seen her in a while. She moved away and came back without letting anyone know. Anyway, the next thing we knew, she was gone. I’ve been thinking about how that happened during “normal times.”

Now, we’re all bombarded with a seemingly never ending barrage of bad news. Personally, professionally, nationally, globally. We had a hilarious moment a month or so ago when we discussed whether or not we could pull something from our emergency kit because… wait for it… we aren’t in an emergency. Are we? Wait, when is it officially an emergency? Maybe the emergency kit will let us know.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking. I know everyone tells us that we are not alone, yada yada yada. But, really. Are you feeling alone? Alone to figure out how to know when or if your kid is actually doing the work of online schooling. Alone to muster up the energy to be your kid’s new BFF since he can’t see any of his other friends in the ways he was once accustomed to. Maybe you feel alone to decide when it’s right to take the risk to go see your parents. The game has changed, folks. So, it’s now time to change our approach to supporting one another.

Here goes. I vote that we all take a cue from the Five Love Languages, a mind blowing book that will help you find ways to nurture the ones you love and get the right kind of attention you need. It’s a little more religious than I’d like and is focused on your mate, but, the message is totally worth it. If reading a book seems impossible at this moment, that’s fine. I’ve got you.

Try to speak the appropriate love language for the folks in your household. But, equally important, do the same for your friends and family that you haven’t seen in ages. The world wants us to think that the choices are severely limited. They are not. You don’t need to choose between a socially distance walk, FaceTime, a text or nothing. There are ways to send the love your friends need right now and to get some of that back. Here are my favs. I know they’ve been helping me. I hope they help you.

How to Help You, Your Friends + Your Family Feel Better Thanks to the Five Love Languages

The premise of the book is that we all prefer to receive love in one of five ways. When someone tries to communicate love in a way that isn’t one of our, “languages” it isn’t as successful. That also means that when we are trying to send some love, the recipient might be missing the message due to the method we’ve chosen. Got it?

The Five Love Languages during COVID

Words of Affirmation

Say nice things to me and I’ll feel better. That’s it. Right now, there are lots of creative ways to do that. We’re all texting like crazy. Try picking up the phone. Even better- go above and beyond. Send a card so he/she/they can save those words and review them again later. As a personal stylist, I am VERY fortunate to have online reviews that say nice things about me. A few years ago, I started writing a #friendreview for individual friends on Facebook. Try it. Everybody wins.

Gifts

Oh, yeah. Is anyone receiving good mail right now? The only joy on our doorsteps is from Amazon… and um, we send those to ourselves. I’ve started sending super cool coffee mugs to a few friends and family members. Spotify playlists or home videos are delightful, too. I’m not going to lie. I’m addicted. Gifts don’t have to be expensive. They just need to be thoughtful and right now, getting a little love in the mail can make a real impact on folks feeling isolated and hopeless.

Acts of Service

If you get VERY excited when your partner does the dishes, handles all the bills or takes the car to the shop, you are speaking this language. Years ago, I asked my husband what he thought was the secret to a good marriage. He said, “learning to like doing what your partner doesn’t want to do.” That, my friends, is doubling down on Acts of Service. That also means that this is a way that he likes to receive love. Need some ideas? Doing yard work for a friend or getting him/her/them a lawn service gift card. Perhaps she could use a little tech support with her newfound reality. How about watching your friend’s kid outside, socially distanced with masks on so that she can take a walk with her partner sans kids? Think about what would make your friend’s life easier and if there’s a way you can take it on- even once.

Physical Touch

I know. This is brutal because physical touch is pretty much off limits right now. So, first up, look inside your house/ pod and be sure you are giving some physical touch to the folks that you have access to. If you can’t be the person to give physical touch to a friend, encourage her/him/them to nurture that side within her circle, if possible. Alternatively, you can both get tested and be sure you are clear before breaking the seal.

Quality Time

I read the Five Love Languages book years ago and think about it every so often. Recently, I decided to read the version about kids when I realized that one of my son’s primary love languages is Quality Time. Sadly, I don’t think he was getting enough of it. Weird. Right? We’re together all day. But, being in the same house together is not the same as giving someone quality time together. We made a point of scheduling quality time every day with him individually and together. If it’s not on the calendar, it won’t happen. It’s had a profound impact on all of us.

So, there you have it. It’s time for a fresh start. Sending you all sorts of love from over here.

All good things

-M

P.S. As always, here’s a song just right for the occasion:)