As a personal stylist for women, I spend my days divided between time with my clients and time with my family and friends. Because my clients are women, I spend disproportionate stretches with members of my own gender. Consequently, my pre-pandemic life involved lots and lots of conversations about the things my clients and I have in common. I’ve learned a lot from my clients over the years: from summer camps for the kids to new brands on the horizon, my clients and I share info freely on a wide range of topics. The In It Together Series is an attempt to replicate that relationship for the entire Poplin community while we are all in quarantine.

I’ve learned SO much from my client and friend, Delight Roberts. She’s unbelievably knowledgeable about keeping kids safe online. With copious amounts of us working from home while the kids hop on the computer, I hope that her tips are as helpful to you as they have been to me.

As an online safety expert and the parent of a ten year old child, I know first-hand how hard it is to manage the online activity of children—especially now as we’re staying at home and our routines have been upended.  As we are all spending more time online here are some guidelines that may be helpful as you contemplate screen time for your child.

Keeping Your Kids Safer Online

1.     Engage with your kids online: How are they interacting with content? What games are they playing?  What are they watching? Spend time with your kids “playing” on the internet.  Watch with them, play games with them (they will likely love this), and let them show you what they’re doing online (this will give you a more accurate picture than asking them!).

2.     Communication and sharing: Understand how people can communicate with your child.  How does a player become a “friend”?  Who can contact your child?  Can players share photos or videos?  Is there a chat feature?  Who can chat with your child?  What can players “see” about others? What kind of information is shared?  Is there a “report abuse” mechanism or easy way to notify the company when someone shares illegal or inappropriate content?

3.     Privacy and parental controls:  Conversations about privacy and your family’s expectations should be an ongoing conversation that evolves with age.  In our household, laptops are kept in the living room and there are no devices in the bedroom.  Find and use the privacy and parental controls (look in the settings).  With parental controls you can monitor websites visited and limit the time on devices—really helpful to see if your child is doing school work online or playing games.

4.     Explain your reasoning: Don’t just restrict certain activities, apps, games, etc. but explain, in age appropriate terms, why you don’t want your child engaging with specific content, behavior, or people.   For example, talk with your child about the reasons why a stranger would want to talk a kid online?  Is that weird?  What would his reaction be if an adult stranger in real life tried to be his friend?  We want our kids to understand our rationale to help calibrate their judgment and to make good choices when we’re not there to enforce.

5.     Think before posting information about your child:  How and by whom might your child’s information be shared?  I stopped posting photos of my child as I became more concerned about his privacy and how his image might be used—specifically with regards to AI and facial recognition technology.  After you share your content, the company owns it and you lose control, so if you share understand how companies might use your data and determine whether you’re okay with that use.

6.     Model good behavior:  During this time we are all spending a lot more time in front of a screen.  That said, try to set boundaries that work for your family and make sure the adults are leading by example.

7.     Digital citizenship:   Kids are learning to develop and navigate relationships and are finding their place in the world via social media, so it is critically important that kids (and adults!) understand what it means to be a decent and thoughtful person online.  My mantra is that you shouldn’t say something online if you’re not willing to say it face-to-face.  And you shouldn’t act like a jerk on the internet—think twice about how a comment might impact another person and what it is that you’re contributing to the online community.

8.     Influencers: Familiarize yourself with the celebrities of the internet, aka “influencers”.  Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok are rife with them.  Know who your child is following, why they are popular (understand their brand and affiliations), and whether they reflect the values that you want to teach your child. Watch with your child and discuss.  Many kids want to post videos of themselves so think carefully about whether to allow and consider parameters around doing so.

9.     Information sharing: Talk with your child about what is/is not appropriate to share online and why they shouldn’t share information that could be used to identify her—this includes age, address, phone number, school, neighborhood, etc.  And most definitely discuss whether they should share photos of themselves.  If your child is a teen, you should familiarize yourself with sexting or nudes as this is a shockingly popular practice across ALL cliques.

10.  Keep predation in perspective:  The vast majority of abuse occurs by someone who is close to a child and has earned his trust, as opposed to a stranger.  Keep an eye out for any person who seems overly interested and is paying a lot of attention to your child—as well as any unusual behavior or behavior that raises a red flag for you.  You know your child best and if something strikes you as odd, listen to your inner voice.  This applies to the online and real world.

 Delight Roberts is a lawyer with more than 20 years of experience as a child safety expert.  As an Assistant Attorney General (WA) she prosecuted cases involving child sexual abuse, has lobbied to advance legislation on behalf of children, and has spent the last decade leading the digital safety efforts for a major tech company developing policies, building programs, and advising product teams to help keep children safer online.